Signs Santa Hates You

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10. Your stocking is ticking.

9. Every kid gets a candy cane, you get a ball of rusty barbed wire.

8. He brings you a new car -- right through the living room wall.

7. His expression doesn't seem to be "jolly" so much as "seething and vengeful".

6. FBI bursts into your house saying, "We got a tip from Santa Claus you're hiding Mullah Omar."

5. You're being stalked by an elf hitman.

4. You spend ten minutes telling him what you want and he says, "Oh, I'm sorry, were you talking to me?"

3. Only item he leaves a note reading "Your wife was great".

2. The "gift" he just gave you ... 2 weeks on a Disney cruise with Trent Lott

1. His distinctive, "Ho, ho, go screw yourself" laugh.