Dogs are Same As Men

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Both take up too much space on the bed

Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning

Both are threatened by their own kind

Both like to chew wood

Both mark their territory

Both are bad at asking you questions

Neither tells you what is bothering them

Both tend to smell riper with age

The smaller ones tend to be more nervous

Both have an inordinate fascination with women’s crotches

Neither does any dishes

Both fart shamelessly

Neither of them notice when you get your hair done

Both like dominance games

Both are suspicious of the postman

Neither knows how to talk on the phone

Neither understands what you see in cats

Where Dogs Fail

Men only have two feet that track in mud

Men can buy you presents

Mend don’t have to play with every man they see when you take them around the block

Men are a little more subtle

Men don’t eat cat turds on the sly

Men open their own cans

Dog have dog breath all the time

Mend can do math stuff

Holiday Inns accept men

Men are strong and like to lift things to prove it

Mend don’t shed as much, and if they do, they hide it

It’s fun to dry off a wet man